The term ‘narcissist’ is a term that is being used on a widespread basis in today’s society, but what exactly is a narcissist? Narcissistic individuals are those who are characterised by exhibiting an inflated self-importance; an incessant demand for admiration; and a lack of empathy and complete disregard towards others and their emotions. When you are dealing with a spouse or a partner who displays narcissistic tendencies, these personality traits can often be exacerbated following separation in a way in which they typically try to manipulate and dominate their former partner and any proceedings which may follow as a result of the separation.
When it comes to separating or divorcing a partner who has narcissistic tendencies, these characteristics can present in many ways. One of the most common ways this can be seen is in their family relationships whereby they may sacrifice their former partner and sometimes their children’s feelings in order to retain control over their partner often through the use of the legal system post-separation.
Narcissistic abuse can involve the use of coercive control and gaslighting behaviours where the abuser seeks to psychologically manipulate, isolate and intimidate their partner. It is important to note that many people can show characteristics of a narcissistic nature. Despite this, it does not necessarily mean that they are a diagnosed narcissist, as family law professionals, it is not our job to ‘diagnose’ Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) but by understanding the patterns of narcissistic behaviours in the context of family law proceedings, we are as legal professionals able to approach and anticipate any given situation when we are dealing with an individual who is subjecting a victim-survivor to narcissistic abusive behaviours.
Tactics used by narcissists
Those with narcissistic traits employ a variety of tactics in the Family Court in order to manipulate the situation to their advantage. Here are a some common tactics they may use:-
- Gaslighting to make the victim-survivor question their own reality and manipulate them into doubting their own recollection of events, which undermines the victim-survivor and causes them to feel confused.
- Manipulating communication where they outright lie to shift the blame and change the narrative to their advantage.
- Making false accusations to incur further legal costs for their former partner.
Challenges when divorcing a narcissist
When it comes to separating from someone who displays narcissistic tendencies, victim-survivors may be subject to further abuse upon divorce or separation which can include economic, emotional and psychological abuse that may overlap with gaslighting and coercive and controlling behaviour from the narcissistic spouse.
Examples of economic abuse post-separation may include:-
- Making false accusations leading to increased legal fees for the victim-survivor to defend themselves.
- Stopping essential payments such as school fees and mortgage payments.
- Using the children as tools for financial abuse, e.g. stopping paying for their activities in order to make the less affluent parent pay.
Examples of emotional abuse post-separation may include:-
- Stalking both physical and online.
- Threats and intimidation.
- Manipulation to persuade the victim-survivor into accepting an unfair settlement or child arrangement plan.
When you are dealing with a former partner who has narcissistic tendencies, help and advice from a domestic abuse expert will guide you throughout the process with thorough preparation, knowledge and support from our family lawyers.
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Going through a divorce or separation is challenging itself without the added difficulty of dealing with a narcissist so please do not hesitate to get in touch to speak with a family lawyer to assist you in these matters. Click here to book your free 30-minute initial consultation.