Gaslighting is a form of manipulation that occurs in abusive relationships. It is a covert type of emotional abuse whereby an abuser deliberately attempts to impose self doubt and confusion into their partners own thoughts and feelings in order to gain complete control of their partner’s mind. This gradually over time causes the victim to seek validation from them and gives complete control to their abuser.
Do you ever feel left confused by your partner, or you feel worried to say the wrong thing around them?
Recent statistics from the Crime Survey found that an estimated 2.1 million people aged 16 and over experienced some form of domestic abuse in the year ending March 2023. Birkett and Co Solicitors strongly support those who have experienced domestic abuse. If you think you are in an abusive relationship or you are unsure read our blog which may be useful however if you wish to speak with one of our domestic abuse solicitors, please do not hesitate to get in touch for the help you need.
Where does Gaslighting come from?
The term gaslight derives from a play in 1938 called ‘Gas Light’ in which a husband manipulates his wife into thinking she is mentally unstable by subtly changing the intensity of the gaslights in their home and denying any changes to the lights when the wife notices. This causes the wife to begin to doubt herself and her memory in order for him to gain complete control of her and gain access to her inheritance when his plan is to have her admitted to a mental institution.
What is gaslighting?
Gaslighting is a tactic of coercive and controlling behaviour in abusive relationships used to make someone doubt their own mind. This type of abuse is typically subtle at the beginning in relationships, for instance, your partner may begin to change insignificant details of an argument you had which usually leads to the target admitting they had got a specific yet insignificant detail of the argument wrong. The abuser will use this as emotional ammunition against their partner to support their abusive narrative, for instance: “You always get things wrong, you even admitted it.”. This can cause the victim to doubt their own judgement.
A statutory definition of domestic abuse was finally introduced by the Domestic Abuse Act 2021. The definition applies in circumstances where both parties are aged 16 or over and are ‘personally connected’. Abusive behaviour is defined in the Act as any of the following:-
- Coercive control
- Physical or sexual abuse
- Violent or threatening behaviour
- Psychological or emotional abuse
- Financial abuse / economic abuse
What does gaslighting look like?
There are many gaslighting techniques to be aware of to help you identify and address whether you are being subjected to this form of abuse, including but not limited to:-
- Withholding. Refusing to listen or pretending to not understand.
- Countering. This is where the abuser questions their partners memory of events and deny the way the victim has remembered it.
- Denial and contradiction – this is where the abuser denies events that had happened which makes the victim discredit their memory further causing them to feel confused.
- Trivialising or minimising – the abuser purposefully asserts their partner is overreacting and makes them feel their feelings are unimportant.
- Shifting the blame. They always blame the other partner for their actions or the argument which typically has nothing to do with the argument.
- Diversion or blocking. The abuser tends to change the subject to divert their partners attention.
Why is it important to talk about gaslighting?
Increased awareness. Thankfully, over the last few years there has been an increased awareness in respect of emotional abuse and coercive and controlling behaviour. Being able to recognise the forms of coercive control, with gaslighting being just one example, is crucial as it empowers individuals to identify the abuse and seek support.
Legal recognition. Coercive or controlling behaviour was criminalised in 2015, with those found guilty of the offence facing a maximum of 5 years’ imprisonment. The shift in the law acknowledged the detrimental impact of this type of abuse upon those who sadly experience it.
Effects of gaslighting
Gaslighting is a serious issue and has devastating and long lasting emotional and psychological effects on a person’s health. The long term effects of this tactic cause including but are not limited to:-
- Overly aware of oneself
- Feeling paranoid and mistrusting of others
- Increased anxiety
- Depression
- Low self-confidence.
What can Birkett and Co Solicitors do?
Our family law specialists can provide you with support, advice and representation tailored to your individual circumstances. If you are being threatened by your partner we can help by applying to the Court for a Non Molestation Order to prevent your abusive partner from causing any further harm to you and your children and/or an Occupation Order requiring your partner to leave your home and having left not to return to or come within a certain distance of it.
Domestic abuse comes in many forms which can have a profound impact on victims which typically persists even when a person has left the relationship.
Abuse is never acceptable and here at Birkett and Co Solicitors our team have extensive experience in domestic abuse cases and can give you the advice and support you need. We offer a 30-minute free initial telephone consultation so get in touch with a domestic abuse solicitor.